WHAT THIS IS: SALVE FOR THE SOUL HOLE

In a different life ago, I used to scratch the creative itch by pontificating about whatever randomly ran through the grey matter on a particular day.

I'd send these thought piece emails to those in my close orbit. It kept the vestige of the writing dream alive, no matter how insignificantly; it let me keep the spectre of what remained of a writer's identity.

I've had a lot of identities in my life - preachers kid, son, athlete, drug addict, brother, network design engineer, atheist, umpire, journalist, psych tech, left-handed, burnout, hipster, corporate whore, husband - and I always owned them but never saw coming the one that manifested quickest - widowed.

390+ days ago the hole in my soul was inexplicably, suddenly - and thus far - irreparably, ripped apart. But you can peer through the smoke haze, immobilized by grief, for just so long. Stare into the abyss long enough and it stares back. Eventually the unbidden emotions abate, the searing burn receding to a dull sensitivity, and you discover a re-directed mind numbs further.

And you re-discover the writer identity you thought died with the cessation of those long ago emailed diatribes is more comfortable than widowed.

So that's the purpose of this site. There is a lot of self-indulgence inherent in this endeavor I realize, but what good is writing something if it isn't read by someone, and the internet means maybe some of these ramblings from my rather immense (otherwise useless) fore brain will outlive me in cyberspace somewhere. And if they don't, what the hell, I'm vain enough to think I can be amusing, occasionally thought-provoking, and -- even with my skewed perception of reality -- a better waste of a half hour than some lame-ass reality show.

I'm sure I'll write some wacky shit: opinions and observations through a distorted lens that will cause guffaws, frowns, and downright consternation. Maybe some laughs too. Who knows what shape the salving of the soul will take?

And you're welcome to come along on the ride if you're of a mind.