My personality has a Camel Light attached to it.

The world doesn’t care what I think; no matter how much I rant and rave it will go on just as it wants.

The only time you get feedback is if you’re doing it wrong; if you’re doing it right, you’ll never hear about it -- either that or nobody gives a shit that you’re doing it at all.

No matter how much I practice I’ll never be able to make more than 64 of 100 free throws

Life produces more questions than answers; it has a way of bleeding dreams to death, until only a husk is left in the palm of your hand, unembraceable for fear of crumbling to dust once and for all.

The question isn’t how history will remember you; it’s if history remembers you at all.

Hollywood hasn’t had an original idea this century. I’ll give them one as soon as it comes to me.

A dog is such good company when you’re feeling blue because it never wants to know why.

Staying up really late is vastly overrated.

Getting up early is severely underappreciated.

Just living for this moment can very negatively impact that next moment.

Humility is hard bought. Schlepping phone books around a decaying neighborhood for Camel Light money -- having blindly lived for too many moments -- will purchase it though.

Arena football is the game we played on the front lawn parking, from sidewalk to sidewalk, with just four downs when we were 11 and 12 isn’t it?

Krispy Kreme two dozen doughnut deals are evil.

Cynicism rules the day. Reason enough to turn straight to the sports page, keep the comics and the crossword and throw the rest in the recycle bin.

Nine-tenths of life is a cliche; the last tenth alternates between grinding disappointment and grandiose optimism.

There’s a certain poignant truth to the lyric that it’s not having what you want but wanting what you got, but once you got it it’s usually not what you thought it’d be. 

People who love their jobs are the luckiest people in the world.

I’ll never bowl a 300 game.

Turning the radio up so as not to hear that clicking in the engine isn’t really cost effective.

Best you can do is try and flag down your little corner of the world, and escape with as little regret as possible.

Eating Miracle Whip on almost everything disgusts a high percentage of the population.

Watching Chicago baseball this year is like being forced to take the ugly girl next door to the prom

Somehow I haven’t figured out how to get rewarded for incompetence like so many others. I’m dying to know the secret.

—October 15, 2011